April 7th 1862
Dear darling Journal,
I had been in my first battle yesterday. I will never forget the
whirling of the bullets, the look of shock as men fell to the ground, some not
even fully dead, some screaming and praying God would take them into his arms,
I will never forget the roar of guns as they shot the deadly bullets, the way
my gun rocked me back unto my heels but strangely when I saw my bullet hit a
man of the south my heart soared in joy, and soon it became a rhythm for me
shot pause reload shot pause reload. For two longs days I was in that rhythm
shot, pause reload.
My commander still does not know that in fact I am a girl. I feel
that if he does I would be forced to be spy or go back to my home where I have
nothing left for me. I do not want to be a spy I want to fight; I love the
training, marching, and even the staying in the little tents and getting up
before the morning sun blesses us with its warm rays. I don’t doubt that one
day in the future it will come out that I am a 16 year old girl instead of an
18 year old man.
Today I sent a letter to my home hoping my brother had returned to
home from the war. I want to put a copy into my journal I don’t want to lose it
ever. I feel as if it the only thing connecting me to John. I almost wish he
was in the same regiment as me. Here is my letter.
Dear John,
I miss you with my whole heart. I don’t know if this will ever
reach you but I hope that if it does God has kept you alive and well unlike our
late mother. Hopefully she is in Gods arms and is in more heath than before. If
you are home I do miss you and I wish I could be there with you but I am in a
place that I am truly enjoying. Once again I truly hope this letter finds you
in good health and happiness.
Your loving sister,
Evaline.
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